Some Words Before I Go

Hi all,

I'm not sure if everyone who reads this knows me, but I am hoping there will be people who read this who do not know me but come to know my experience all the same. Maybe who will come to feel as though they know me as well as if they had met me in the first place, before all of this.

I'm going to China. "Why blog about that?" you might ask. I might ask that too, but that would be repetitive. So I'll answer it as best I can. I'm writing a blog because I love to write. For me, writing is my most natural, instinctive form of self-expression and self-evaluation. I don't know if I'm "good" at it, but I know I'm honest with it, and that has to count for something. Also, I have friends and family who mean more to me than anything else in the world, and they are so much a part of who I am, I want to make them a part of what I do, wherever I am.

I would add more to this post, but currently it's 12:14 am, and the Vitamin C face peel sample my friend gave me has caused my face to constrain all basic movements - it's like stretch-and-peel Botox. Also, the longer I stay awake, the closer I get to the realization I will really be gone for a year...that I will be in a country whose language I speak like a clumsy parrot (although sometimes I do have a knack for repeating tones pretty accurately) and that I will be 12 hours and thousands of miles removed from the people who have made the past 22 years of my life so good, it feels like I'm bragging just thinking about it.

It's weird because although there are things that I will really, really miss, like "big picture" things, I can only seem to concentrate on the smaller details. It's like, my mind can only comprehend the depth of sadness in edible chunks. Here's a list of the silly things that have crossed my mind of what I will miss (a warning, none of them are family or friends. That should all be known and assumed that my heart will be aching for them each and every day, although it will simultaneously be filled with the sweetness of their faith and hope in what I hope to do and learn while away):

- Halloween: The logistics and general thematic layout of Halloween make it possibly one of the most impossible holidays to attempt to celebrate by yourself in a country that does not celebrate it

- The comforter I've had since college: It is a lumpy comforter that is filled with, I'm pretty sure, cottonballs. However, it magically keeps me warm enough in the winter and cool enough in the summer. I deem it, Sisterhood of the Traveling Comforter, that is how all-purpose it is. Also, it's a pretty light blue with lace detailing that criss-crosses along the front in tiny lines and has pattens of burnt orange and marigold-colored flowers on it. The other side is this interesting bohemian pattern. It's perfectly imperfect.

- My rainbow fish picture in white-washed frame: It hung in my apartment bathroom all last year. It's rainbow fish. Need I say more?

That's all I can think of for now. Plus, if you know me, I am one for ending things with a smile. So, I shall go and make a goodnight phone call, tuck a photo from the luau (from my family vacation to Hawaii) into my purse to take to the airport, and remove this face peel, which is, by now, the consistency of dried Elmer's glue. If you've ever covered your hand in glue as a kid so that you could wait for it to dry, then slowly peel it off so that your palm was imprinted in the thin, papery glue-hand, you might have an idea what I'm talking about.

Comment if you'd like. I like comments, and I really like to read them, so if that is any further encouragement...feel free...

Love,

Amy